Outline to What are some gaslighting examples you should know
- Introduction
- What is gaslighting
- What techniques does a Gaslighter use?
- What are the signs of gaslighting?
- Isolation
- Accusations
- Your Reality
- Threats
- Who are the Types of People That Use Gaslighting
- Gaslighting Examples Phrases
- Gaslighting consequences
- What to do when someone is gaslighting you
- Conclusion
Introduction
When I write mental health articles, I always say right off I am not a therapist or a psychiatrist. I am a survivor of mental, physical, and sexual abuse and suffer from mental illness.
I feel comfortable talking about mental health and abuse because I am living or have lived it. I use my real-life experiences as examples to best let someone know how the situation made me feel. I am saying you are not alone.
If you are in crisis or need help, seek medical attention immediately!
I have had a rough draft written for this post for days. I edited it over and over. I am having a hard time because a gaslighter can be anyone.
It is not necessarily a man or a woman. It could be either. It is not just between husband/wife or love relationships; it can happen in friendships, co-workers, and even family members. I don’t want to leave any part of it out.
I do not like the word victim, but I can’t word it any other way. I see it as this person is currently being abused. A survivor is someone who has risen about the trauma. I don’t want to say “He/She” might say…” Because it is not about gender.
I am settling with using the terms Gaslighter and Victim, and I apologize if that sounds wrong.
What is Gaslighting
The word Gaslighting came from a 1940s movie about a man who tries to convince his wife she is crazy by dimming the gas lights in their home. It is manipulation and mental abuse.
A Gaslighter is someone who twists the truth and reality of another person to get them to do whatever it is they want them to do.
What Techniques Does a Gaslighter Use?
Gaslighters lie to cause another person to accept their version of reality. They intentionally change and manipulate how their victim thinks by making them doubt themselves.
They might:
- Says that the victim is crazy
- Make promises and intentionally not keep them but deny they made the promise
- Pretend not to understand the victim’s account of an event
- Tell the victim that they are imagining things
- Say they are too sensitive and taking things the wrong way
What are the Signs of Gaslighting?
When you ask a question to a Gaslighter, they will return with questions aimed at you. They might accuse the person of the problem that they themselves have.
Isolation
A Gaslighter will isolate you entirely away from family and friends so that you have no one to trust except that person and so someone else can’t back up the victims’ story.
They also do not want your friends and family to figure out that they are mentally abusing you by gaslighting you.
Your views about your family and friends might change based on what your Gaslighter tells you. For example, “Your sister is never there for you. I wouldn’t trust her,”
AND the Gaslighter might make friends with your connections to tell them lies about YOU! They also gossip about you to your friends and accuse them of the same.
Accusations
If you were to question a Gaslighter, they might accuse you of having trust issues and say that your insecurities are the actual problem. They might say that you overreact if you point out something they don’t like.
If you think you are being gaslighted and call them out on it, they will not listen, change the subject or just end the conversation in their favor. They may turn it around to you and say, “You made me do it.”
This person who is an evil manipulator might straight out call you crazy. I’m not talking about the country song “Beautiful Crazy.” by Luke Combs. I am saying they are calling you crazy in a derogatory manner. They might tell you you need Therapy or medication for your illness.
Your Reality
The Gaslighter might cause you to question yourself by accusing you of trying to sabotage the relationship, that you are acting weird because they would NEVER treat you wrong.
Your recollection of events will always be wrong. You will start to wonder if you imagined things. They will always paint the picture of themselves as being right or the excellent partner.
They may also confuse your reality by showering you with affection. Buying you gifts and treating you wonderfully for a while so they can not raise your suspicion that they are abusing you
Threats
“Well, if you are going to act this way, our relationship is over!” “I will not put up with your accusations. If you want me to leave, I will”
Scary words to a person who is genuinely a victim at that moment. This monster still controls you, so you don’t want to be abandoned.
Who are the Types of People That Use Gaslighting
They might be the ideal person of your dream at the beginning of your relationship.
Sometimes they have mental illnesses themselves. They could have a personality disorder. It could be a narcissistic personality disorder. Please read this article by WebMD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to find out more.
It could be an evil demon from hell a**hole who just wants to control you. They could get outraged over any kind of rejection.
It could be someone who thinks so highly of themself that they need to put you in your place.
They could be a stalker, someone who is obsessed with the victim.
Gaslighting Examples Phrases
- “You already said that, don’t you remember?”
- “You have an active imagination.”
- That never happened.
- “I never said that.”
- “You are making that up.”
- “Stop exaggerating.”
- “You are being dramatic.”
- “You’re being paranoid.”
- “You’re being overly sensitive.”
- “You are crazy.”
- “I think you need professional help.”
- “There is something seriously wrong with you.”
- “Let’s forgive and forget.”
- “How dare you accuse me of doing that!”
- “I did that because I love you.”
- “If you loved me, you would…”
- “Don’t blame me. I never meant to hurt you.”
- “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
- “This is how you treat me after everything I’ve done for you?”
- “You think you’re so smart.”
- “You always have to be right.”
- “I’m not the issue you are!”
- “It’s your fault.”
- “You’re not perfect, either.”
- “Why can’t you be more like your friend?”
- “Why are you always bringing up the past?”
- “Everyone agrees with me.”
- “Can’t you take a joke?”
- “I can’t have any negative emotions around you.”
- “I don’t know why you’re making such a huge deal of this.”
Gaslighting Consequences
You feel less sure of yourself. You might start to believe everything is your fault and say you are always sorry. You feel bad about yourself. You might have problems making decisions by yourself. Your anxiety might increase.
You have low self-esteem. You feel isolated from your friends and family. You doubt your ability to function in everyday tasks. You examine your thoughts and feelings.
You start believing you are what the Gaslighter calls you (like stupid or ugly).
You had self-confidence before your relationship, but now you feel that you are unworthy or broken. You might always be edgy. You’re scared to confront them. You start to believe that you’re paranoid or crazy.
You are taking the blame for the way the Gaslighter is treating you. When you confront them about something, they ask, “what right do you have to question me?” You feel confused.
You start to think you are a failure and let your friends and family down.
You question yourself if you are being over dramatic.
You think something is wrong in your relationship and how they treat you, but you aren’t sure. You feel trapped. You distrust yourself. You stop saying what you believe and remain silent.
You make excuses for the Gaslighter’s behavior to family or friends and try to convince yourself that their behavior isn’t that bad. You question your feelings and judgments and doubt your sanity.
You think you are over-sensitive. You don’t want to rock the boat with the Gaslighter.
What to do When Someone is Gaslighting You
- Journal – Write down your feeling and events as they happen. You can go back and look for patterns; if questioned, you will know you remember correctly.
- Seek help – enlist a trusted friend and/or a Therapist or other professional assistance. Find a support group with others who have gone through similar relationship issues.
- Leave! – devise a plan to get yourself and your family, if you have any, away from the abuser.
Conclusion
As you might have noticed from my article, I have endured being gaslighted. Thank goodness I got away!!!!!! I still have trust issues that my loving husband helps me with. To read more of my story, Uncover My Account In The Journey Of My Life, click the link.
When you have a mental illness, it is tough to keep your mind straight, and for someone to purposely mess with your mental health is a definite form of mental and psychological abuse.
If you suspect that you are being abused, seek help right away! It will not get better, only worse!
Please share this article on your social media to help as many people as possible.
4 Responses
A very helpful and heartfelt post on how you can be hurt by others. It is so very sad that people intentionally do all these things to those they “love.” I’m so sorry you went through this but am so happy you have found a loving husband to stand by you! Unforunately, there are so many people out there in the world but your advice on what to do when someone is gaslighting you is very helpful! Thanks for writing from the heart!
Hi Michelle, thank you!
Wow! This was very informative and a little terrifying that people are doing this to others. I’m so happy you were able to leave this situation and now have a loving husband. ❤️ Thanks for writing this.
Hi Kassidy, thank you!